Hey, did I mention that "cheerful" isn't the easiest note to play when your throat feels like you've been snacking on fiberglass insulation? That's very complainy of me, but that was tricky the first week of filming.
Glenn wanted me to stop producing about two weeks out from filming and just concentrate on the script/acting. That never happened.
The schedule for the first night worked out in my favor because it was pretty non-verbal on my end. Actually, aside from the feeling like garbage, it was pretty fun. I got to basically sit back and listen to the acting taking place in the back seat of my car while reacting with my face. It was fun. Everyone had a little space to improvise and I enjoyed seeing where they'd take the scene.
Night two I had a little more to do, but it was still a lot of reaction stuff. It was marginally warmer than the night before (though still cold). I definitely didn't feel overtaxed, but between fretting about the crew freezing to death and feeling awful, I wondered if I was finding Emerson in any given scene. There were a few times when I definitely felt like I was acting rather than being a character, which is not the best way to feel. But there was a lovely moment where I got to act with an improv sister (Mari Kenney) and Rich. I was sandwiched between two really talented performers and something about having such great players on either side of me felt like I could relax more in the scene. I got to be Emerson.
The third night I still felt awful and I had more to do. It was also the first night that the Jamies (Jaime Adams and Jamie Fair) were on set. They actually provided me with some inspiration. They were out in the freezing cold and having to do stunts and were very much in their characters and giving it all they had. If Jamie could maintain a character while falling on the ground, avoiding being run over when I pulled away from him and freezing then I could definitely muscle through my stuff. Except one part where I was supposed to scream. I did it once and realized that I wasn't going to be able to produce that sound again. That became a heavy silence in the scene instead. It was better than what I'd written. It worked out.
Basically we were moving along at a reasonable clip, Rich and the supporting cast were doing great, the crew was made up the best, most resilient people I could have imagined and I was starting to really fret that I was going to end up being the weak link (in fairness, I think this on most films at some time or other).
The final night of the first week of shooting the first thing we had to do was a fight scene in the rain. Someone was supposed to make us a lightweight weapon. They didn't get back in touch with us. I was now faced with swinging something very heavy and very real at my good friend Coley's head. That was the only thing I was actually concentrating on. We practiced the motions so many times that my fingers started cramping up and then we practiced it some more. In a weird way, being so fixated on performing that one move freed up my brain to just act and not overthink too much. I don't know how I did overall in the scene, but I know that nothing felt robotic and I didn't notice how badly I felt. I didn't crush Coley's facial bones. It was a win.
After that it was a big, talky scene. Maybe it was the relief of having not killed my friend, I'm not sure, but something clicked into place and I didn't think about what I was doing because I didn't have to. I was a woman talking about a personal failure and nothing felt rehearsed. Emerson didn't react like Casey, not because I was thinking of ways that we might do things differently but because Emerson isn't Casey and I was just being her. I know this is a very masturbatory paragraph and I hope it makes any kind of sense to non-actors, but it was a significant moment for me. My scene partner at the time squeezed my shoulder and told me that I did well. I got to be Emerson.
The second week went more smoothly (on the acting side. Dear Lord, not producing. See previous entry for that). I was feeling physically better (except for a night that I had a migraine), and I felt like I had really found Emerson. I wasn't doing a ton of thinking in scene unless someone told me where I couldn't move my head because I'd be out of frame. Best moment: either a big argument scene that was simultaneously the most stressful and upsetting but easiest from a performance perspective or a scene where I got to act with Glenn because it is always fun to act with your best friends.
Emerson no longer felt like a kite that I could lose control of. She was flying smoothly and I could give her as much line as she needed to soar. It was a privilege to play her. It was a good ride.
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